Theatre review: Blood On Your Hands

Blood was nearly spilt before the show even started, as we got to ten minutes after the advertised start time and the twentieth repetition of the 60-second loop of funereal accordion music on the speakers. But officially the villain of Grace Joy Howarth's Blood On Your Hands is the meat industry, not The Araby Bazaar's sound design. Dan (Phillip John Jones) and Konstyantyn (Shannon Smith) are slaughterhouse workers who meet on their lunch break: The latter is a Ukrainian vet who's just arrived in Wales, taking on a grim minimum wage job until he can get himself settled and bring his family over. The former is a local who, after making some mistakes in his teens, has struggled to find anything better and has been in the job for five years. Most mornings they go into work to the sound of vegans protesting outside the abattoir.

Stage-to-screen review: Hamlet (Bristol Old Vic / BBC)

It's been a couple of years since I last saw a full production of Hamlet, and with a while yet before the next major one is due (now watch as another gets announced the second after I click Publish,) it seemed as good a time as any to check out the version the BBC offered up recently as part of their First Folio season. This was John Haidar's 2022 production at the Bristol Old Vic, one that had caught my eye for casting real-life husband and wife Finbar Lynch and Niamh Cusack as the king and queen of Denmark. Haidar didn't cast Calam Lynch in the lead to complete the family set, but instead Billy Howle plays Hamlet, the prince of Denmark who's moping quietly at the start of the play after his father's sudden death. Alex Eales' set is slickly black and I want to call Natalie Pryce's costumes modern-dress, except the characters' tech is very Nineties: Hamlet loves soliloquising into his dictaphone, and "The Mousetrap" is interrupted when Polonius' pager goes off.

Theatre review: Ķīn

Mixing outgoing National Theatre boss RuNo's intention of making it more of an international theatre, with an ambition to give different performance styles a chance in the main stages, physical theatre company Gecko's show Ķīn uses an international cast and dance-like style to tell stories of immigration over the last century. Although whether any actual stories end up getting told in the process might be a matter of opinion. Devising performer Amit Lahav's show takes as its inspiration the story of his real grandmother, who as a young girl in the 1930s fled Yemen for Palestine. We begin with a Jewish family fleeing persecution - they're chased away by officials painting yellow streaks onto their coats - before various encounters with malicious border guards and an eventual arrival in a modest home that offers safety for a while.

Theatre review: Kim's Convenience

The Park's main house kicks off the year with what looks like a surefire hit: Not only was tonight's performance pretty packed, but from the enthusiasm of the audience it didn't seem like anyone needed their arm twisted (in a dubious use of an obscure Korean martial art) to shop at Kim's Convenience. Ins Choi's 2011 play about a Korean-Canadian corner shop (a detailed design by Mona Camille) in Toronto gets its UK premiere after the success of its TV sitcom adaptation, with the playwright - who originated the role of prodigal son Jung - now returning to play his father. Appa (Choi) and Umma (Namju Go) moved from South Korea to Canada in hopes of a better life for their children; Appa's limited English meant he couldn't continue to work as a teacher, but he found his niche as a shopkeeper with an unfailing nose for shoplifters. Umma runs the shop with him, but her involvement with the church means she has more of a life outside it.

Theatre review: Ulster American

With a name like David Ireland, you can imagine that the playwright who specialises in controversy-courting stories about how the Troubles have left Northern Ireland with collective PTSD might attract a certain kind of American fan. If that is part of the inspiration for his latest play, it would seem to confirm suspicions that some vocal Irish-Americans care more about appearing to belong to a culture than they do about actually knowing the first thing about Irish history. Equally under the microscope and subject to ridicule is the left-leaning British theatre establishment that's championed his brutal form of comedy in recent years, as Ulster American throws together theatre people from America, England and Northern Ireland in a violent mix of hypocrisy and misunderstanding. Ruth (Louisa Harland) is a rising Northern Irish playwright whose latest play is getting a starry London premiere from director Leigh (Andy Serkis.)

Theatre review: Cold War

Well it was snowing as I made my way to the Almeida, and that fits one of the meanings of Conor McPherson (book) and Elvis Costello's (music) Cold War, whose characters are often to be found shivering in big coats. Another is the more familiar meaning of the term, as the doomed love story is adapted from Paweł Pawlikowski's film set over the first couple of decades of Russian-occupied Poland. Beginning in 1949, Wiktor (Luke Thallon) is a composer who's part of a team led by Kaczmarek (Elliot Levey,) who are going around Poland collecting traditional folk songs. Previously dismissed as insignificant peasant music, their connection to people working the land makes them ideal to be co-opted by the Communists as stirring anthems. Wiktor is there to help make new arrangements that fit the themes of industry and productivity, for a show that'll be toured around Poland and eventually the rest of the Eastern Bloc.

Theatre review: Unfortunate

Like Wicked with more clit jokes, Robyn Grant, Daniel Foxx (book & lyrics) and Tim Gilvin's (music) Unfortunate tells a famous fairy tale from the point of view of the villain. But Ursula the Sea Witch is quite specific to one particular telling of The Little Mermaid, so it's important to clarify that this is a parody musical, for legal reasons. Sorry, you'll have to wait a few more decades for her to come into the public domain and get immediately cast as a slasher movie killer. In the meantime Ursula (Shawna Hamic) is here to tell us how she escaped her apparent death at the end of the movie: Quite easily as it turns out, it's not like it was the first boatload of seamen she ever took to the chest. Yes, that's the Carry On level we're at, but contrary to the title we're fortunate in that this is Southwark Playhouse once again staging the best kind of musical silliness.

Theatre review: This Much I Know

My theatrical 2024 kicks off in chaotic fashion, with me trying to find a last-minute replacement for my second show of the year after a friend had to drop out of the trip, and next week's shows looking unlikely for me to get to because of tube strikes. As for my first play of the year, I was doubting I'd actually get to see the whole thing after a technical issue at the interval made it unclear whether or not we'd actually get a second act - we did, with the show eventually running 20 minutes over the advertised 2 hours 20. On the other hand if this start is anything to go by quality-wise, I could end up having a much less disappointing time at Hampstead Theatre than I did in 2023. Jonathan Spector is the playwright behind the Old Vic's big, starry 2022 show Eureka Day, and while this three-hander in Hampstead's studio space is a more modest proposal in some ways, its storytelling is more ambitious and, to me, more consistently satisfying. Although it does also get laughs from projections of emojis.

2023: Nick's Theatre Review of the Year

Oh, hello. It's this again, the bit where I look back at the last twelve months of theatre in and around That London (and by "in and around That London" I obviously mean "just London and very occasionally Stratford-upon-Avon, which isn't particularly near London") and really get to grips with the news, trends, shocks, horrors, highs and lows of one of the world's great cultural hubs. And then I tell you which actor has the nicest bottom. I've got a Drama degree, you know. I always divide this review of the year into different sections, and in recent years I've started giving the chapter headings a bit of a running theme, with half-hearted puns based on the Spider-Man movie titles or last year's biggest non-theatrical obsession, The Traitors. In other words I've made a right rod for my own back when another December comes round and I've got to try and be clever.

Theatre review: The Fair Maid of the West

My first Stratford-upon-Avon trip in six months not to get cancelled due to rail strikes is also my last show of 2023 overall, and what a warm-hearted way to wrap up the year it is. Writer/director Isobel McArthur's The Fair Maid of the West is a (very) loose rewrite of Thomas Heywood's 1631 play, set in the latter days of Elizabeth I's reign when anti-Spanish sentiment was at its peak - you can see what might have attracted McArthur to revisit a time when shifty European types were being blamed for all of England's problems at home. Plymouth barmaid Liz (Amber James) gets framed for murder, and has to accept the help of an over-enthusiastic suitor: The wealthy Spencer's (Philip Labey) family owns a number of taverns, including an abandoned pub in Cornwall she can hide in until he clears her name.

Theatre review: Stranger Things: The First Shadow

Netflix branch out from streaming to producing live theatre, but this new play is a spin-off from their tentpole Stranger Things, so there isn't too much fear that it'll get cancelled during the interval for not getting enough Instagram traction. The TV series is a 1980s nostalgia-tinged sci-fi/fantasy story about teenagers getting caught up in deadly adventures when their small town's reality starts bleeding into an alternate dimension known as The Upside Down. The First Shadow is a prequel that does the same for some of the central adult characters, taking them back to their high school days in the 1950s and making them face the first signs of a supernatural incursion into Hawkins, Indiana. In particular, the play serves as the backstory of the series' Big Bad, Henry Creel. But first there's a pre-credits sequence because yeah, when the credits are as iconic as Stranger Things' they're going to roll on stage as well.

Theatre review: Macbeth (Donmar Warehouse)

Completing the pair of returning 60th Anniversary Doctor Who stars leading West End shows, David Tennant gets to do his Macbeth at the Donald and Margot Warehouse. And while this is undoubtedly a more successful evening than the one Catherine Tate's lumbered herself with, I also came out of it thinking it could have been scarier. Aside from the star casting of Tennant and Cush Jumbo as Lady Macbeth, the big selling point of Max Webster's production is the use of binaural technology: The sound design that gives the audience, who wear headphones, a 3D audio experience. I've seen a couple of shows that have used it before, which is why I thought this story of witches and murders might be in for a particularly creepy take when you can potentially have spooky noises creep up on people in the seeming safety of their seats.

Theatre review: Pandemonium

Having had huge hits on TV and film, Armando Iannucci is taking on the West End next year, but before that he warms up with something a lot more intimate in scale, and very much in his traditional wheelhouse of topical political satire: Pandemonium, which Patrick Marber directs in Soho Theatre's main house, is a retelling of the Boris Johnson years in government, particularly, of course, the Covid pandemic. The main styles it emulates are Jacobean and Restoration satire, with a generous dose of Shakespearean pastiche, although it takes in influences all the way from Mediaeval Mystery plays to Ubu Roi. Taking its cue from Johnson's childhood ambition to be "World King," the central character is called Orbis Rex (Paul Chahidi,) a childlike disruptor figure who opens the show convinced that the gods have anointed him as one of their own.

Dance review: Nutcracker at the Tuff Nutt Jazz Club

As ever, dance is something I juuuust about feel like I can have an opinion on (as opposed to opera which is usually just me frantically shrugging,) although Drew McOnie's version of The Nutcracker already does the Everyone's a Fruit and Nutcase gag so that's half of what I was planning to write already out of the window. Cassie Kinoshi reinterpets Tchaikovsky's music as a jazz score, Soutra Gilmour takes over an old cafe space in the Royal Festival Hall to create a pop-up venue, and McOnie recasts the story of a little girl and her toy soldier into that of a little boy having certain feelings for his Action Man doll. In Nutcracker at the Tuff Nutt Jazz Club, Clive (Sam Salter) struggles to get his father's (Tim Hodges) attention on Christmas Eve, so decorates the tree on his own and plays with the Sugar Plum Fairy that's meant to go on top of it.

Theatre review: The Enfield Haunting

One of the most famous poltergeist cases ever documented, The Enfield Haunting has been the subject of multiple books, movies and TV series, so a stage version - courtesy of writer Paul Unwin and director Angus Jackson - was probably inevitable. Every so often someone attempts to do big jump scares in the theatre, and with the latest spooky juggernaut 2:22 A Ghost Story mainly known for its rotating cast of random leading ladies with big Instagram followings, there's still room for something to provide the actual chills and thrills recently vacated by The Woman In Black. But while there's some interesting elements to this starrily-cast premiere, the screams of audience terror they might have been hoping for don't come. Lee Newby's set certainly looks creepy enough - the innards of the small, cluttered two-storey house where a young family has lived for 5 years.

Theatre review: Rock'n'Roll

Tom Stoppard time, so lots of people overheard in the interval carefully avoiding giving an opinion in case they're exposed as not understanding it. Rock'n'Roll pits Communist idealism against Cold War reality via two Cambridge academics, whose lives it follows from 1968 to 1989. Max (Nathaniel Parker) is a lecturer and vocal Communist who thinks he's found an enthusiastic protégé in Czech graduate student Jan (Jacob Fortune-Lloyd.) When Russia invades Czechoslovakia to curb its apparent intentions for reform, Jan returns to Prague in the vague impression that he can do something to help, but the authorities - who sent him to England to spy on Max in the first place, and see if he can be turned to an asset - are unimpressed. But Czechoslovakia is still seen as a comparatively open, accessible part of the Eastern Bloc, and the fact that it allows foreign bands to play is a plus to the music-obsessed Jan.

Theatre review: The Homecoming

Matthew Dunster's production of The Homecoming at the Young Vic sets Pinter's play firmly in the 1960s when it was written: The all-male family of East End gangsters at its heart are an insular group, buried away listening to jazz; the female interloper is a vision of the swinging sixties, up on all the latest fashions and wanting the best of them. What the power balance is by the end of the play is always enigmatic, but Dunster's apparently clear telling of the story may leave it murkier than ever. Max (Jared Harris) is the widowed patriarch who raised his three sons on his own - it's unlikely he'd ever acknowledge that his probably-gay brother Sam (Nicolas Tennant,) who's lived with them for decades, might have helped at all.

Theatre review: The Time Machine

The Park Theatre wouldn't have the clout to get the whole of Mischief Theatre for its main seasonal comedy show, but they have managed one of the core cast members to take the lead. And if the amount of laughs turns out to be roughly proportionate, that's... still a pretty decent hit rate to be honest. In Steven Canny and John Nicholson's The Time Machine Dave Hearn, Amy Revelle and Michael Dylan play characters with their own first names, although Dave's surname here is Wells, because the premise is he's a descendant of H. G. Wells, author of the original science fiction novel. The three are a theatre troupe rehearsing a touring production of The Importance of Being Earnest when Dave discovers that his ancestor's book wasn't fiction, but an account of a journey into the future he had actually made, published as a warning of what would happen if humankind didn't change its ways.

Theatre review: Infinite Life

From the writer who brought you three hours of vacuuming popcorn out of a carpet comes two hours of pensioners sitting on sun loungers talking about their bladders: America's queen of low-key experimental theatre Annie Baker makes another return visit to the Dorfman with Infinite Life - James Macdonald's premiere production for Atlantic Theater Company in New York comes over with US cast intact, as Sofi (Christina Kirk) spends ten days (or thereabouts... her precise memory of her time there can get hazy) at a quasi-mystical fasting retreat in Northern California. People, mostly women, go there for extreme pain, life-threatening diseases or both, and if you believe Yvette (Mia Katigbak) the unseen doctor's combination of starvation diets and juice drinks have had miraculous healing results.

Theatre review: I, Malvolio

One of a series of Tim Crouch monologues for Shakespearean supporting characters, I, Malvolio is the first of them to come to the Swanamaker, and the first one I've seen. Malvolio is the puritanical steward in Twelfth Night, who's tricked into believing his mistress loves him, humiliates himself for her, and is imprisoned as a madman for it. It's an uncomfortably dark subplot of an otherwise popular comedy, and that's the aspect Crouch focuses on as he brings Malvolio back on stage after the play's end, muttering and ranting to himself, quite possibly having been driven mad for real. In a show that's half play half stand-up routine, he starts on time, all the better to berate latecomers, or anyone who's given themselves a seat upgrade or left their phone on. But he's also brought a noose with him, and wants audience participation to help him use it.