Theatre review: The Night Before Christmas

Anthony Neilson’s The Night Before Christmas is inevitably nothing like any story called The Night Before Christmas anyone else would write, although that is when it takes place, in the last hour of Christmas Eve. Gary (Douggie McMeekin) has a warehouse full of knockoff goods, a business that’s technically legal as long as you don’t look too carefully at where everything came from. On Christmas Eve he catches an intruder (Dan Starkey) dressed as an Elf, with track marks on his arms and a bag of tools useful for breaking into buildings, who tells him he’s fallen off Santa’s sleigh, and Gary mustn’t call the police or it’ll cancel Christmas. With the possible explanations being “junkie trying to steal something to fence” and “magical elf who’ll die if he doesn’t get his Christmas happiness powder,” Gary is convinced by the latter option, and calls his friend Simon (Michael Salami) for help with what to do next.

The next hour is a clash of extreme personalities, as the Elf spins his increasingly wild stories and the sweetly trusting Gary believes them, while the furious Simon rages beside him.

Simon has been in a mood about Christmas anyway since he’s feeling particularly victimised by capitalism and inequality lately, but even he has moments when the Elf’s unlikely story starts to take him in. Just as it looks like everyone is in agreement the story gets a new dynamic with the arrival of Cherry (Unique Spencer,) a prostitute who’s come to pick up the Power Rangers for her son that Gary owes her “for all the wanks.” Gary himself has a son who his estranged wife won’t let him see, which may explain why he’s particularly open to believing that a Christmas miracle might have landed in his lockup.

Neilson’s play dates from 1995 but I’ve only previously seen it in a misjudged musical adaptation a few years ago. At the time, my review was that I wished the songs had been ditched and we could just get the original version uninterrupted, and that that’s what Alex Sutton brings (with a few updated topical references) to Southwark Playhouse’s Little space. And this works much better (in fact my first comment to Phill afterwards was “can you believe someone thought that should be a musical?”) as a short and not-so-sweet antidote to soppier Christmas fare. Although it’s not entirely a piss-take of emotional Christmas stories, there is a bit of humanity in there as well.

There's a notable misfire in the story when one of the characters has a coming-out scene that comes out of nowhere, goes nowhere and serves no purpose (the play's just about old enough that I can imagine it being intended as a cheap punchline, but it's 2018 and that's not how Sutton's production plays it.) But ultimately what really works about The Night Before Christmas is the non-stop comedy, in a typical Neilson combination of funny lines and utter filth with a generous helping of the really weird. The cast really dig into the contrast between the sweet and dopey Gary and Elf, and the sweary, explosive Simon and Cherry, and the story gives plenty of opportunities for some pretty dark comedy. Definitely not one for the kids, but neither is it a show that leaves childlike wonder behind entirely.

The Night Before Christmas by Anthony Neilson is booking until the 29th of December at Southwark Playhouse’s Little Theatre.

Running time: 1 hour 5 minutes straight through.

Photo credit: Darren Bell.